Ivan the Stinky Hurricane

When I started this blog, I hoped to document the poignant parts of life. Discuss politics, religion, green living, useful life management techniques, practical business advice, recipes, smart dressing, etc.

I have achieved none of the above. I don't post regularly. I don't write posts that build upon a theme. I don't categorize anything. I don’t comment on other blogs. I don't ask questions to engage readers. I don't have readers. I don't have a blog theme. This really has become The Din. It’s pure drivel.

The thing is, I just kinda like the daily filler. The side dishes. The stuff that is so good, it’s forgettable. It makes all day long better.

This random bit of IM Din is good if you need an idea for a gangster name, a hero name, or a band name:


Ivan: i'm trying to come up with good gangster names. The only one i have so far is
Ivan: jimmy the foot
Amie: that doesn't really scare the crap out of me
Ivan: hahaha
Ivan: should it?
Amie: jimmy the contagious foot?
Amie: like you know how people freak over athletes foot
Ivan: gangrenous foot?
Amie: that works
Ivan: i always think of the random names i've heard
Ivan: tommy the chin
Amie: how about Ivan the terrible
Amie: doh! that one is taken
Ivan: ivan the terrible is taken!
Amie: ivan the horrible
Amie: ivan the stinky
Ivan: LOL
Ivan: stinky! oh no!
Ivan: ivan the horrible
Amie: i reckon your first name could go with anything, that is what is cool about being named ivan
Amie: IVAN THE HURRICANE
Ivan: nice
Amie: that is taken damn
Ivan: that's a good one.
Ivan: taken?
Ivan: taken by what?
Ivan: by the actual hurricate i guess
Amie: si
Ivan: right. i remember. i killed many jamaicans
Amie: Ivan the tropical storm?
Amie: that's not gangster
Ivan: ivan the high pressure weather system.
Ivan: ivan the bastard
Ivan: ivan the purple nurpler
Amie: LOL
Amie: is a purple nurpler a weather event?
Ivan: depends on how powerful it is
Ivan: a very localized weather even
Amie: Ivan the black hole
Ivan: nice
Amie: now i'm beyond weather, i'm getting stellar
Amie: star-like
Ivan: i love it
Ivan: ivan the super nova
Amie: i like
Amie: although, now you sound like a superhero
Amie: not a gangster
Ivan: yeah. i do. i might have to fix that i guess
Ivan: i prefer being a superhero
Amie: me too
Amie: it's nicer
Amie: plus, you get really good looking girlfriends
Ivan: LOL
Amie: gangsters date tramps
Ivan: that's hilarious
Ivan: that's a great band name too
Ivan: gangsters date tramps
Amie: it would be good
Amie: i like
Ivan: i totally like
Amie: see, we're taking care of every category today
Ivan: it has to be done.

eat my hor da vors!

Scott is our "IT Ambassador." This isn't his proper title. I think it's IT Operations Engineer or something that doesn't really say much of anything. Which is why we call him The Ambassador. It's appropriate. Nobody in IT likes working with the marketing department. Not to be confused with liking to "hang" with marketing. "Working with" and "hanging" are not the same. Organizational dynamics always get tweaked when actual work enters the picture.

The Ambassador is a worthy diplomat. He can speak many languages, including marketing, accounting, geek, sr.management and others. He always recommends the best restaurants and likes to coordinate field trips. Like taking us to "The Double Ho” for Dim Sum.

Note on The Double HO. The Ho Ho Gourmet is probably the most filthy, musty stanky place I’ve ever been. It’s not premium Dim Sum, but what can I expect for $5.00 plus tip. I ate chicken feet there. I'm certain I'll never eat chicken feet again. So, me and The Double Ho share a first, and that's special.

To commemorate the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games, Scott walked through cube alley offering commemorative cheese and crackers yelling, “eat my hor da vors.” Nobody partook. Maybe it’s strange to share crackers that have Chinese symbols painted on them with Cheese Whiz. I reckon it’s cause he was serving them from a paper towel instead of a proper serving tray.

Each cracker symbolized what he thought are Olympic messages. But I can’t find any official source that will verify that Big, River, Fire are Olympic. I don't think they mean anything Scott. You're just a Whiz with the Cheese.

Funion Onion

I've been on an Onion kick lately. The good kind. The kind that won't make your breath stink. I work in PR, so I think in headlines a lot. Thinking in Onion headlines is more fun than the drippy stuff I do for work. It is possible to come up with an Onion for almost every situation. Even bad situations. Onions can put life in perspective. No doubt.

The kick started when I (anonymously) printed this story to every printer in the office so random people would stumble upon it. I also sent it via e-mail from subordinates to their bosses (don't ever do this). Just wanted to mix it up a bit. It worked. But not as planned. I am glad forgiveness can be bought with a fish taco plate at Lone Star.

Saturday night I said, "let's play Onion headlines!" The idea was shunned. I persisted. Good times, good times. Mediocre at best, but alas, joi de vivre is found in the journey, not the outcome.

Scrapbooking Industry Declines as Nation Lives in Moment

Fortune Tellers’ Jobless Rate Soars as Nation Lives in Moment

Note on this: my husband is convinced nobody says, “living in the moment.” I hear it every day! Who is correct? (if you say him, he won’t read it. Apparently he is living in isolation ;-)

High Fuel Costs Limit Huffing Gas to Upper Socioeconomic Strata

Area Man Sells Roof to Keep House

Search for Affordable Recreation Drives Masturbation Craze

Now I just need to pen the stories. The last headline will likely be the story with the most street slang.

Multi-Listening, Multi-tasking, Multi-Din

My best friend forever, AKA, BFF, IM'd me today. (That sentence is f#$ked with acronyms.)

I'm glad about IM (she said with a Pollyanna grin). Otherwise, I would rarely talk with my friend, or anyone for that matter. It's well known I don't answer the phone.

With IM, we can chat and muck around on our computers at the same time. Its idiosyncratic quality captures authentic, and hilarious bits of Din.

Thanks BFF for saving this one, we will always share a good laugh over it. Not sure if anyone else will, but we don't care as we know true happiness is beyond the need for approval. We know where to find true happiness, which only well intended readers will learn since it's buried in this conversation.


(4:33:46 PM) BFF: I'M A MEMBER OF SETH GODIN'S NEW "TRIBE!!"
(4:33:52 PM) BFF: :D
(4:41:54 PM) AMIE: shut up
(4:41:58 PM) AMIE: how do you do that?
(4:42:20 PM) AMIE: congrats
(4:42:22 PM) BFF: Today is such a GREAT day for networking!!
(4:42:33 PM) BFF: OMG!
(4:42:33 PM) AMIE: you're cute
(4:42:48 PM) BFF: AGJ, I need astronaut diapers
(4:43:02 PM) BFF: barely contain myself
(4:43:17 PM) BFF: when R U coming to visit!??????????????????????
(4:43:24 PM) BFF: I miss shooting shit with you
(4:43:59 PM) AMIE: i know
(4:44:04 PM) AMIE: when should i come, soon i think
(4:44:07 PM) AMIE: how much are tickets
(4:51:01 PM) AMIE: i can tell you're so happy, what is this group anyway, is it like the inner circle?
(4:51:11 PM) BFF: CLOSED
(4:51:14 PM) BFF: EXCLUSIVE
(4:51:24 PM) BFF: FIRST COMERS
(4:51:35 PM) AMIE: wow
(4:51:53 PM) BFF: At least that's what Seth says (what else do you expect - he's a marketing dude)
(4:52:00 PM) AMIE: true
(4:52:12 PM) BFF: but he's a genius. People are going NUTS in there already
(4:52:25 PM) BFF: The activity is pirahna like
(4:52:42 PM) AMIE: what are they going nuts over?
(4:52:47 PM) AMIE: being there, or over a topic?
(4:53:21 PM) AMIE: dude, does the blog o sphere say anything about how it sucks to try to make a comment on MySpace cause it's a locked thing?
(4:53:25 PM) AMIE: it's very anti social
(4:53:35 PM) BFF: It's all the stuff you can do in the community. Like facebook on steroids but we all have connection to Seth (marketing) as a starting point.
(4:54:02 PM) AMIE: oh, kewl
(4:54:36 PM) BFF: I heard that MySpace is for rich people...which would explain why I'm on Facebook
(4:56:06 PM) AMIE: LOL i wish i was one
(4:56:17 PM) BFF: Money doesn't make you more valuable - no way
(4:56:34 PM) BFF: You are rich...just not with money
(4:57:27 PM) AMIE: hey! funny you should say, i'm reading The Power of Now
(4:57:33 PM) AMIE: you read it?
(4:57:40 PM) BFF: Must look it up...
(4:57:56 PM) AMIE: oprah loves this guy
(4:58:07 PM) BFF: Oh. the Oprah book dude...did the Skype class
(4:58:08 PM) BFF: si.
(4:59:05 PM) AMIE: yes, i'm trying to use the power of positive thinking by listing that i want an iPhone on Facebook
(4:59:12 PM) AMIE: if you list it in the present tense, it might happen
(4:59:14 PM) AMIE: it's not working
(4:59:58 PM) BFF: You know what's great about Gerry's books? They have the same affect - you feel better about yourself - but they're not designed to "teach you" to have that result...not forced. G's books produce that result NATURALLY. That is why everyone is IN LOVE with him. He's all about love, man. Read some of the comments on his blog. IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND
(5:00:20 PM) AMIE: ok
(5:01:08 PM) BFF: the next gen iPhone will be even better....be patient
(5:01:16 PM) AMIE: when is that out?
(5:01:24 PM) BFF: there's always another one
(5:01:26 PM) AMIE: i thought this one was the next gen one
(5:01:30 PM) AMIE: it's 3G
(5:02:03 PM) BFF: the one that will come after 3G
(5:02:14 PM) AMIE: still
(5:02:26 PM) AMIE: i was hping that if i threw it out to the universe, i'd get a free one
(5:02:37 PM) AMIE: trying to use my powers of positive thinking for evil instead of good
(5:02:45 PM) BFF: Now you're talking about the SECRET
(5:02:51 PM) BFF: ;)
(5:03:03 PM) AMIE: oh! i get them all mixed up
(5:03:14 PM) AMIE: it's all the same stuff my mom learned when she went to LifeSpring
(5:03:22 PM) AMIE: variations on a theme
(5:03:24 PM) BFF: You're kidding.
(5:03:27 PM) BFF: really?
(5:03:44 PM) BFF: H always says the greatest ideas are never "new" ones
(5:03:58 PM) BFF: ideas and products
(5:04:06 PM) AMIE: it's true
(5:04:09 PM) BFF: always an iteration of something else
(5:04:12 PM) AMIE: it'a all rehashed material
(5:04:20 PM) BFF: THAT'S WHY SOCIAL MEDIA IS SO COOL
(5:04:21 PM) AMIE: iteration is a better word
(5:04:40 PM) AMIE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifespring
(5:04:53 PM) BFF: It's an iterative communication process...rehashed...remashed...
(5:05:49 PM) BFF: sad to say I'm old enough to remember the name...
(5:05:59 PM) AMIE: oh
(5:06:00 PM) BFF: :-S
(5:06:03 PM) AMIE: you're not old
(5:06:17 PM) AMIE: i do see your point on the social media thing
(5:06:17 PM) BFF: My birthday present to me is FACE WORK
(5:06:28 PM) BFF: yeah, social media rocketh
(5:07:27 PM) AMIE: what is FACE Work
(5:07:33 PM) BFF: work on my FACE
(5:07:33 PM) AMIE: a new facebook thing?
(5:07:39 PM) AMIE: oh! that kind
(5:07:43 PM) AMIE: holy shit you don't need that
(5:07:45 PM) BFF: like botox or something
(5:07:48 PM) AMIE: dood
(5:07:51 PM) AMIE: whatever
(5:08:02 PM) BFF: i sleep with my face SMASHED into pillow
(5:08:04 PM) BFF: bad
(5:08:14 PM) BFF: I look like playdough in morning
(5:08:27 PM) BFF: remember the red eyes at Catalyst each morning?
(5:08:30 PM) AMIE: uhm, who doesn't?
(5:08:46 PM) BFF: "oh it's the strong laundry detergent the hotel uses on the on the pillowcases."
(5:08:54 PM) AMIE: ok, linked in is not working today
(5:09:13 PM) BFF: no way .... sheesh.
(5:09:24 PM) AMIE: i can't get into my connections
(5:09:44 PM) BFF: dump your cache
(5:09:49 PM) BFF: it's working for me

When truths that are lies become lies that are truths

My iGoogle homepage consists of various news sources: CNET News, USA Today, InfoWorld, Slashdot, The Onion, New York Times and others.

When I log in, I quickly scan the headlines to get a general sense of the news. iGoogle news widgets all look alike. There are no logos indicating the news source, just text of the publication name followed by headlines. Location can help if you were a whiz at Concentration. For example, the upper right corner of my iGoogle is devoted to The Onion. I forget this a lot.

Including The Onion in my daily headline browsing mix is disruptive. I can be gullible. Actually, I’m really gullible. I hate this about myself. So once I’ve been had by The Onion, I tend to over correct. For example, on Mondays, I read every headline as truth, get burned by The Onion, so Tuesday I skeptically read every headline as a lie.

This bi-polar method of headline scanning is iffy. Truths that are lies become lies that are truths.

Here is a list of Today's mixed bag:

McCain has spot of skin removed as precaution
New Linens-N-Shit Opens
Billionaires Donate To Anti-Smoking Drive
MySpace could be flooded by Elvis impersonators
Bush hails Pakistan as strong ally
Textbook Publishers Continue To Freak Out Over File Sharing

I'd rather be in Oz

There is nothing about the oft quoted, "there's no place like home," that infers home is where you'd rather be.


I need “tickets on the fridge.”

Happy Birthday Tonia!

Today is Tonia Sarah Thompson Conger, AKA Baby Girl Thompson's birthday.

She's one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I reckon millions can say the same thing.

This is one of my favorite photos with Tonia. We are in Barcelona. I love taking self photos because you never know what you're going to get. This is a great shot of my piggy-pug nostrils, and Tonia looks smokin hot.

I like it too because it's hard to tell which direction to rotate the picture. People that look at it always turn their head because they are unsure of how to view it. It swirls in a yin yang kinda way and that is why it's so great.

People that become true friends do so because they bring a needed perspective to your life. They do this by just being who they are, by being authentic. Tonia's fashionable, creative, dead funny, caring, self sacrificing, humble and wise paisley shape fit right into my Yin Yang circle. (This isn't even close to a complete list, a lot of her is ineffable.) Tonia shows me ways to become the person I hope to be by just being Tonia. There is no trying, fake, or forced aspect to our friendship.

I am so lucky! What if I didn't find her until I was 80 and I only got to hang out with her for a little while. Plus we would be too old to contort ourselves into this picture, and too old to laugh as hard as we do at times cause we'd break our ribs.

Happy Birthday!!!