eat my hor da vors!

Scott is our "IT Ambassador." This isn't his proper title. I think it's IT Operations Engineer or something that doesn't really say much of anything. Which is why we call him The Ambassador. It's appropriate. Nobody in IT likes working with the marketing department. Not to be confused with liking to "hang" with marketing. "Working with" and "hanging" are not the same. Organizational dynamics always get tweaked when actual work enters the picture.

The Ambassador is a worthy diplomat. He can speak many languages, including marketing, accounting, geek, sr.management and others. He always recommends the best restaurants and likes to coordinate field trips. Like taking us to "The Double Ho” for Dim Sum.

Note on The Double HO. The Ho Ho Gourmet is probably the most filthy, musty stanky place I’ve ever been. It’s not premium Dim Sum, but what can I expect for $5.00 plus tip. I ate chicken feet there. I'm certain I'll never eat chicken feet again. So, me and The Double Ho share a first, and that's special.

To commemorate the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games, Scott walked through cube alley offering commemorative cheese and crackers yelling, “eat my hor da vors.” Nobody partook. Maybe it’s strange to share crackers that have Chinese symbols painted on them with Cheese Whiz. I reckon it’s cause he was serving them from a paper towel instead of a proper serving tray.

Each cracker symbolized what he thought are Olympic messages. But I can’t find any official source that will verify that Big, River, Fire are Olympic. I don't think they mean anything Scott. You're just a Whiz with the Cheese.

Funion Onion

I've been on an Onion kick lately. The good kind. The kind that won't make your breath stink. I work in PR, so I think in headlines a lot. Thinking in Onion headlines is more fun than the drippy stuff I do for work. It is possible to come up with an Onion for almost every situation. Even bad situations. Onions can put life in perspective. No doubt.

The kick started when I (anonymously) printed this story to every printer in the office so random people would stumble upon it. I also sent it via e-mail from subordinates to their bosses (don't ever do this). Just wanted to mix it up a bit. It worked. But not as planned. I am glad forgiveness can be bought with a fish taco plate at Lone Star.

Saturday night I said, "let's play Onion headlines!" The idea was shunned. I persisted. Good times, good times. Mediocre at best, but alas, joi de vivre is found in the journey, not the outcome.

Scrapbooking Industry Declines as Nation Lives in Moment

Fortune Tellers’ Jobless Rate Soars as Nation Lives in Moment

Note on this: my husband is convinced nobody says, “living in the moment.” I hear it every day! Who is correct? (if you say him, he won’t read it. Apparently he is living in isolation ;-)

High Fuel Costs Limit Huffing Gas to Upper Socioeconomic Strata

Area Man Sells Roof to Keep House

Search for Affordable Recreation Drives Masturbation Craze

Now I just need to pen the stories. The last headline will likely be the story with the most street slang.

Multi-Listening, Multi-tasking, Multi-Din

My best friend forever, AKA, BFF, IM'd me today. (That sentence is f#$ked with acronyms.)

I'm glad about IM (she said with a Pollyanna grin). Otherwise, I would rarely talk with my friend, or anyone for that matter. It's well known I don't answer the phone.

With IM, we can chat and muck around on our computers at the same time. Its idiosyncratic quality captures authentic, and hilarious bits of Din.

Thanks BFF for saving this one, we will always share a good laugh over it. Not sure if anyone else will, but we don't care as we know true happiness is beyond the need for approval. We know where to find true happiness, which only well intended readers will learn since it's buried in this conversation.


(4:33:46 PM) BFF: I'M A MEMBER OF SETH GODIN'S NEW "TRIBE!!"
(4:33:52 PM) BFF: :D
(4:41:54 PM) AMIE: shut up
(4:41:58 PM) AMIE: how do you do that?
(4:42:20 PM) AMIE: congrats
(4:42:22 PM) BFF: Today is such a GREAT day for networking!!
(4:42:33 PM) BFF: OMG!
(4:42:33 PM) AMIE: you're cute
(4:42:48 PM) BFF: AGJ, I need astronaut diapers
(4:43:02 PM) BFF: barely contain myself
(4:43:17 PM) BFF: when R U coming to visit!??????????????????????
(4:43:24 PM) BFF: I miss shooting shit with you
(4:43:59 PM) AMIE: i know
(4:44:04 PM) AMIE: when should i come, soon i think
(4:44:07 PM) AMIE: how much are tickets
(4:51:01 PM) AMIE: i can tell you're so happy, what is this group anyway, is it like the inner circle?
(4:51:11 PM) BFF: CLOSED
(4:51:14 PM) BFF: EXCLUSIVE
(4:51:24 PM) BFF: FIRST COMERS
(4:51:35 PM) AMIE: wow
(4:51:53 PM) BFF: At least that's what Seth says (what else do you expect - he's a marketing dude)
(4:52:00 PM) AMIE: true
(4:52:12 PM) BFF: but he's a genius. People are going NUTS in there already
(4:52:25 PM) BFF: The activity is pirahna like
(4:52:42 PM) AMIE: what are they going nuts over?
(4:52:47 PM) AMIE: being there, or over a topic?
(4:53:21 PM) AMIE: dude, does the blog o sphere say anything about how it sucks to try to make a comment on MySpace cause it's a locked thing?
(4:53:25 PM) AMIE: it's very anti social
(4:53:35 PM) BFF: It's all the stuff you can do in the community. Like facebook on steroids but we all have connection to Seth (marketing) as a starting point.
(4:54:02 PM) AMIE: oh, kewl
(4:54:36 PM) BFF: I heard that MySpace is for rich people...which would explain why I'm on Facebook
(4:56:06 PM) AMIE: LOL i wish i was one
(4:56:17 PM) BFF: Money doesn't make you more valuable - no way
(4:56:34 PM) BFF: You are rich...just not with money
(4:57:27 PM) AMIE: hey! funny you should say, i'm reading The Power of Now
(4:57:33 PM) AMIE: you read it?
(4:57:40 PM) BFF: Must look it up...
(4:57:56 PM) AMIE: oprah loves this guy
(4:58:07 PM) BFF: Oh. the Oprah book dude...did the Skype class
(4:58:08 PM) BFF: si.
(4:59:05 PM) AMIE: yes, i'm trying to use the power of positive thinking by listing that i want an iPhone on Facebook
(4:59:12 PM) AMIE: if you list it in the present tense, it might happen
(4:59:14 PM) AMIE: it's not working
(4:59:58 PM) BFF: You know what's great about Gerry's books? They have the same affect - you feel better about yourself - but they're not designed to "teach you" to have that result...not forced. G's books produce that result NATURALLY. That is why everyone is IN LOVE with him. He's all about love, man. Read some of the comments on his blog. IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND
(5:00:20 PM) AMIE: ok
(5:01:08 PM) BFF: the next gen iPhone will be even better....be patient
(5:01:16 PM) AMIE: when is that out?
(5:01:24 PM) BFF: there's always another one
(5:01:26 PM) AMIE: i thought this one was the next gen one
(5:01:30 PM) AMIE: it's 3G
(5:02:03 PM) BFF: the one that will come after 3G
(5:02:14 PM) AMIE: still
(5:02:26 PM) AMIE: i was hping that if i threw it out to the universe, i'd get a free one
(5:02:37 PM) AMIE: trying to use my powers of positive thinking for evil instead of good
(5:02:45 PM) BFF: Now you're talking about the SECRET
(5:02:51 PM) BFF: ;)
(5:03:03 PM) AMIE: oh! i get them all mixed up
(5:03:14 PM) AMIE: it's all the same stuff my mom learned when she went to LifeSpring
(5:03:22 PM) AMIE: variations on a theme
(5:03:24 PM) BFF: You're kidding.
(5:03:27 PM) BFF: really?
(5:03:44 PM) BFF: H always says the greatest ideas are never "new" ones
(5:03:58 PM) BFF: ideas and products
(5:04:06 PM) AMIE: it's true
(5:04:09 PM) BFF: always an iteration of something else
(5:04:12 PM) AMIE: it'a all rehashed material
(5:04:20 PM) BFF: THAT'S WHY SOCIAL MEDIA IS SO COOL
(5:04:21 PM) AMIE: iteration is a better word
(5:04:40 PM) AMIE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifespring
(5:04:53 PM) BFF: It's an iterative communication process...rehashed...remashed...
(5:05:49 PM) BFF: sad to say I'm old enough to remember the name...
(5:05:59 PM) AMIE: oh
(5:06:00 PM) BFF: :-S
(5:06:03 PM) AMIE: you're not old
(5:06:17 PM) AMIE: i do see your point on the social media thing
(5:06:17 PM) BFF: My birthday present to me is FACE WORK
(5:06:28 PM) BFF: yeah, social media rocketh
(5:07:27 PM) AMIE: what is FACE Work
(5:07:33 PM) BFF: work on my FACE
(5:07:33 PM) AMIE: a new facebook thing?
(5:07:39 PM) AMIE: oh! that kind
(5:07:43 PM) AMIE: holy shit you don't need that
(5:07:45 PM) BFF: like botox or something
(5:07:48 PM) AMIE: dood
(5:07:51 PM) AMIE: whatever
(5:08:02 PM) BFF: i sleep with my face SMASHED into pillow
(5:08:04 PM) BFF: bad
(5:08:14 PM) BFF: I look like playdough in morning
(5:08:27 PM) BFF: remember the red eyes at Catalyst each morning?
(5:08:30 PM) AMIE: uhm, who doesn't?
(5:08:46 PM) BFF: "oh it's the strong laundry detergent the hotel uses on the on the pillowcases."
(5:08:54 PM) AMIE: ok, linked in is not working today
(5:09:13 PM) BFF: no way .... sheesh.
(5:09:24 PM) AMIE: i can't get into my connections
(5:09:44 PM) BFF: dump your cache
(5:09:49 PM) BFF: it's working for me